Снять с себя зависимости с помощью кармы (Феникс, 2014), занятие 1

[Speaker 1]
We'll do an addiction hunting meditation. We won't go straight for an hour, we'll do little pieces. That's an old Tibetan tradition of doing about 12 minutes or 15 minutes, so we'll go in 12 or 15 minute pieces.

Alright, here we go. So sit up straight. Try to relax your forehead.

Relax the corners of your mouth. Relax your eyelids. Tuck in your stomach slightly.

Not like six pack, but just tense it a little bit. Release your shoulders down, and then draw them back so that the shoulder blades move towards each other. Draw your hands back on your thighs.

So that will puff your chest out a little bit. So don't try to put your hands over your knees. Try to draw them back towards the middle of the thighs.

Bring your attention to your fingers. Try to relax them. And as we meditate, as we go through these meditations, brief meditations, try not to tense up your face again.

So keep some attention on your face. As you start to concentrate, try not to frown. The first part of the meditation is we'll just try to be completely still and silent as though you were a stone.

So if you have to wiggle anything, do it right now. If you have an ankle that might hurt in five minutes, then move it now.

[Speaker 2]
Get your legs completely comfortable.

[Speaker 1]
Relax your hands. Move your body up and back, your torso, and see if you find a sweet spot of balance. Just not too far back and not too far forward.

And then I'd like you to try to just freeze as if you were a stone. And that will be the first part of the meditation. Don't move your fingers.

Don't move your eyelids. Don't move your mouth. Don't move your torso.

Don't move your feet. Don't move your toes. Try to freeze everything.

We'll stay here for about five minutes. Be very conscious that you don't want to disturb your neighbor and try to freeze your body. If something hurts, then just talk it out.

It'll stop in a while.

[Speaker 2]
Stay completely still.

[Speaker 1]
If your nose starts running, let it run.

[Speaker 2]
Your only meditation object right now is a very immobile body.

[Speaker 1]
Now please come to your breath. Start to watch your breath coming in and out of your nose. If you have a cold or something, you can breathe through your mouth.

If not, try to breathe through your nose. Just relax. Watch the breath.

Other thoughts will come out, random thoughts. Let them come, let them go. Come back to the breath.

We'll just watch our breath for about three, four minutes. Don't try to control it. Just watch it come and go.

As if you're a little man standing on the end of your nose. Now I'd like to, the last part of this meditation, then we'll take a break, is to watch your breath and try to count it up to ten. Then exhale is the first half of the breath.

Inhale is the second half of the breath. Then we'll exhale and inhale, try to count up to ten breaths. What the focus is, is not the number or the breath really.

The focus of the meditation is any kind of thought that breaks your focus, that breaks your concentration. So you're kind of like a guard or a sentry sitting in your mind and you are trying to detect if a random thought disturbs the smooth exhales and inhales and the counting of the exhales and inhales. So if you suddenly think about what's for lunch or suddenly think about something you have to do later today, then the tradition is that you start over again at one.

So rather than focusing on the count, let the count be a secondary thing in your mind, counting to ten breaths. Exhale, inhale one. Exhale, inhale two.

But if you detect a thought interrupting that flow, a random thought, then please start over again at one. So the name of the game is trying to, not focusing on the numbers, but focusing on any random flitting thought that slips between the flow of the breaths. And if you detect one, you should be happy and start back at one.

I think if you get farther than three, you're not paying attention. So focus very hard. Start counting breaths up to ten.

And try very hard to fail and detect a random thought slipping between the breaths and then start over again. And you may have to start over again ten times.

[Speaker 2]
And slowly you can come back to your body.

[Speaker 1]
Start to move. You can open your eyes. Stretch.

Take a nice stretch. Any questions so far?

[Speaker 2]
How am I going to change my breathing so that I don't get so sleepy? Can I change long, slow, like really fast?

[Speaker 1]
Katie said when she breathes long and slow, it tends to make her sleepy. You might try tilting your head back slightly. And if you do it too much, it engenders distraction.

But you might try raising it just a bit. Sometimes it's a blockage of the prana in the back, in the neck. So maybe check your lower back.

Kind of weird, but if you tense your stomach, it's, what do you call it? It tucks your tailbone. And then it doesn't kink up your lower back and then you don't get sleepy.

But you might try this also. Some people are built differently. What looks even might be a kink in your neck.

So bring your chin up. Experiment with bringing your chin back up a little bit. And it might look weird to Adam when he peeks at you.

But it could be that the structure of your channel there is slightly different from other people. Maybe you need to have your chin up higher. Try that.

Okay, we're going to do three meditations. You ready for the second one? Yes?

Okay, let's go back in and quickly, briefly relax your face. Relax your mouth. Relax your fingers.

Tuck your tummy slightly. Try not to move. Be like a stone.

If your body doesn't move, then your thoughts are less likely to be scattered. Please come to your breath. Start watching your breath lightly, not counting.

Just watching the flow.

[Speaker 2]
Mild attempts to focus on the breath.

[Speaker 1]
So in this second meditation, we're going to go addiction hunting. Start from the premise that every person in this room, including myself, we all have some addictions. And it doesn't make us bad people, but it does make us unhappy.

And we're not as happy as we could be. And we need to stop. If we could stop those addictions, we'd be much happier people.

We probably, most of us, are, you know, into our middle age or farther, and we have probably had those addictions for many years. But we tend to not recognize the addictions that we have. We don't really have a forum in which we investigate ourselves to see if we have an addiction.

So today, we're going to go addiction hunting and try to identify an addiction that we have. Remember, we spoke about three kinds of addiction. The most obvious and easy to recognize are physical.

And those are most often food, or sweets, or could be alcohol or cigarettes. Those addictions are very evident, not difficult to see. Those of you who know Tibetan, it's called manifest.

Then most of us have another layer of addiction, which is emotional. And we may be addicted to anger or jealousy. A lot of us are, have an addiction to seeing the negative side of things in ourselves and other people.

And then there's the granddaddy of all addictions, which is a way of looking at the world, which is mistaken and causes the other two kinds of addiction, which we'll talk about more later. Then we define an addiction as compulsive behavior, which we can't stop even when we want to. And in time, it hurts us, hurts our happiness, and ultimately it begins to hurt other people around us.

We can work backwards from that definition in trying to identify addictions and say, have I, in the last few days, had some minutes of frustration or anger? I don't get angry like that so much, but I feel off balance. Somebody sends me an email or somebody says something, or I hear something on the radio, in the car, and then suddenly it throws me off balance.

And I'm not unhappy, but I'm a little bit, kind of, my joy is diminished, and I feel a little bit shaky emotionally. So, let's work backwards from that. Think about the last day or two.

Think about the activities you went to, or I drove to Flagstaff, or I went to a yoga class, or I was working on my computer, or I was answering emails, and then try to recall moments when you were less than happy. Something threw you off, something threw you off balance, and you felt a little bit nervous or anxiety or upset at someone. So, we're going to do this for about five minutes.

I'd like you to trace back to the last few days, and remember, start with the activities that you're doing. I went to work, or I cooked dinner, and then try to recall moments when you felt uncomfortable, or you felt, not maybe unhappy, but just off balance. And then those moments are almost always connected to some kind of addiction.

So, if I get an email which makes me feel off balance, it could be very well that I'm, there's some addiction going on under that, with that person, or I have an addiction to maybe like being in charge, or having my way, and then someone does something or says something, and it throws me off balance. So, go back through the last few days. Remember activities you've been involved in, and moments that you felt off balance, and then dig under there and see if you can find some kind of addiction to certain kinds of behavior.

One of the strongest reactions we have is to physical addictions. If someone prevents me from getting a donut, or from going to my favorite restaurant, or you know, getting something I like, then very typically I'll be off balance, or even angry. So, you can work backwards.

Go through the last few days. Look for times when your mind has been turbulent, and try to see if there's an addiction underlying that turbulence of the mind. We'll spend about five minutes here.

[Speaker 2]
Please come back to your breath. Slowly come back to your breath.

[Speaker 1]
And then you can slowly open your eyes. Stretch. That's a very powerful technique to find your addictions, okay?

Go back through the last few days. Find where you've been irritated with somebody, or something threw you off balance that someone said or did, and below that there's often an addiction of some kind. We're going to do one more step.

We have about five minutes left. One more brief meditation. You can call it the relaxation in the wine meditation.

So, we talked about it last night. Inside the object of your addiction, whether it's wine, or internet, or sex, or negativity in your mind, deep inside of each of those addictions is a certain way of viewing the world which believes that what you get out of the object of your addiction is coming from the object of your addiction, or that it resides inside the object of your addiction. So, if you're addicted to sweets, then somehow you believe that the pleasure is in the cookie.

I was at Starbucks yesterday. I was having a moment, what do you call it? I was with Jigme.

I was having a, what do you call it? You know, Buddhist moment. I had a green drink, which was good, although they're worthless at Starbucks.

And then I decided I needed a cookie, and I kept looking over at the counter at the cookies, and now I have a problem when I'm with Jigme. She can't eat any of that stuff anymore. The doctors told her she can't eat any of that stuff.

So it's totally on my own. I can't even say, I'm buying the cookies for you, and then can I have some of it, you know? And then finally I gave up and bought one.

And the reason I bought one, I ended up, I looked at the cookie, I asked for a chocolate chip cookie, but then I shifted to the pound cake because I like the frosting. And the guy was like, well, which one do you want? I wanted to say both, but Jigme was watching.

But then there's something I want out of it, you know? When I bite into it, I get some kind of a, I call it a kick, I don't know what else you would call it. I get like a rush of pleasure.

And we don't think about it much. We just buy it and eat it, you know, and bite into it. But at the moment that you bite into it, you get some kind of pleasure.

And for me it makes my heart beat a little faster, and I can work better for a few minutes before I get cranky. And then there's a deep-seated belief that there's something in the cookie, or in the pound cake, or in the icing on the pound cake. Now everyone's going to go afterwards, Geshe-la said I could have.

I always get this. I always get this. People say, Geshe-la was talking about pound cakes, so I bought one.

There's a deep, deep-seated belief that there's something in the icing of the pound cake, or in the chocolate chip actually, not even in the cookie. There's something inside there that makes me happy. It triggers certain taste buds, and I get a little hit of pleasure from that.

And we're going to do just a few-minute meditation about examining that idea, that the kick is in the chocolate chip inside the cookie, inside the chocolate chip which is inside the cookie. Or the kick is in the icing which is on top of the pound cake. And if the pound cake hadn't had icing, I wouldn't have bought it.

It's the icing that has something in it that gives me a kick. And we're going to examine that. And it's very simple.

Every time you eat icing, or if you had twice as much icing, or if you just had a bowl of icing, would you feel more pleasure? Or do you always feel pleasure when you eat those things? Okay, examine what you think brings you happiness.

And think about the pen that we talked about last night, and examine one more time, for those of you who've been around for a while. Don't think you've mastered it. Examine one more time, is that coming from that object, or is it coming from something in me?

If it's coming from something in me, I don't need that object to get to the same place. I don't need to be addicted to something and hurt other people to get it. So let's not go that far.

Let's just look at the object. I'm going to look at the icing and the chocolate chip embedded in the cookie. And I'm going to examine whether or not the pleasure is somehow in the chemicals, or in the substances, or whether it's coming from my mind.

Okay? If it's coming from my mind, I could have the pleasure without the addiction. And that would be cool.

All right, here we go. Or the calories. Okay, so come back to meditation.

We'll just do a few minutes. Come to the object of your own attachments or addictions, which you've identified because it has the power to make you upset or throw you off in the last few days. Try to isolate what it is in that thing that you crave, that you seek.

And in the end, it's a pleasant sensation or a pleasant emotion. And those are good. Those are healthy.

Those are fine. But where is that really coming from? Is it outside in that person's skin, your partner?

Or is it in the wine? Or is it in the icing on the pound cake? Or does it exist inside the chocolate chip?

Is it on the left side of the chocolate chip or the right side of the chocolate chip? Where is the substance that triggers your satisfaction or your pleasure? And then try to conclude that it's coming from your own mind.

And that was planted when you brought happiness to someone else. Try to end up there within the next three minutes. It's very helpful to me if I review the way in which a seed in the mind opens and like a silver sheet comes out of that seed and covers the object and makes me experience it as sweet or soft or relaxing.

It helps me to remind myself that it's coming from me if I review the process of the seed opening in my mind and an image coming out of my mind and coating the cookie or the person's body or the glass of wine. So try that also.

[Speaker 2]
Please come back to your breath and then slowly open your eyes.

[Speaker 1]
Stretch. It's really, really helpful if when you're having a hard time with somebody or you want something bad, try to review how the karmic seed is opening in your mind and kind of covering them with some kind of image. In Tibetan it's called mingdek daktam, names and forms that you overlay over people and cookies.

Okay.