Голоса трёхлетнего ретрита (2013, разные места, Аризона), занятие 3

[Speaker 1]
Okay, very first thing, um, uh, my mom, my sister, uh, I haven't, uh, I haven't spoken to them. I haven't seen them. I haven't written them.

It's been really helpful for me. Uh, anytime I get tempted to, to write someone, uh, which is not the practice that I'm doing right now. I, uh, I think, man, you know, I'm not in, you know, at the end of three years, I'm not going to tell my mom I wrote someone other than her.

So, uh, so very first thing, uh, I love you guys, mom, Aaliyah, my sister. Um, and, uh, one of the deep, beautiful things, you know, that I've, I've learned in retreat is, uh, how incredibly grateful I am for you and, uh, all the love and support that you've given me. And I can't wait to see you and, uh, and I miss you so much and I'll see you very, very soon.

Okay. So now I'm allowed to talk to you guys. Uh, uh, firstly, um, and, uh, we were, you know, it was recommended we don't get carried away with the thanks.

Um, but, uh, you know, you can't help yourself that, um, in particularly, you know, that that's the caretakers, the sponsors, everyone who, um, put us here, who keeps us here, the beauty of the life that you have made, that you maintain for, for me, for us is, uh, unbelievable. It's um, it's a lot to live up to. And, uh, I don't know, I don't know to what extent I'm successful at that, but, uh, um, you've made it, um, way too embarrassing not to try my damnedest to, to try to become the person I think you want me to be.

And I, I sure hope you'll be happy with me when we get out, um, Holy Lama Geshe Michael, um, the, you know, you support us so beautifully here it's, and we, uh, I think we all feel this amazing blessing of having so much of your presence here. Um, and, uh, uh, it's, uh, and on a, on a personal level, um, you, you saved my life. Uh, by which I mean, I, I wasn't happy and, uh, and now I am, uh, among other things, Lama Christi, um, for having the, you know, the far reaching vision to, to see us all into retreat and, and not only to believe, but, uh, to demand that I believe that, uh, even I could find myself in, in a three year retreat.

And, uh, and so I am, and, uh, and then my fellow retreatants, uh, who knows where I'm waving. What you do is hard. And I know.

And, um, but, uh, the way that you support each other and the way that you support me is amazing and, uh, beautiful. And, uh, the, the harmony is incredible and we all love each other very much. And also I think we're a little like afraid to, uh, damage our meditation practice with any strife, um, which sounds a little neurotic and probably is, but it makes for a really beautiful community.

And, uh, um, and then, uh, Kendra, my, my, uh, my teacher, my Lama, my angel, my wife. Uh, you're it. I mean, you're, you're the thing.

You're, uh, you're the whole path. You're, um, oh man, you, you fill my life with so much joy and, uh, you know, what could anyone ask for? Uh, I, I love you, my wife.

So, okay. Um, I want to elaborate on something that Geshe Michael said to us early in retreat. And, uh, I know he doesn't always love to be quoted, but I, I, uh, I think he'll be all right with this.

Um, and I want to get this right. Uh, cause it will sort of be my root text for the talk. He said, um, nowadays I'm thinking that just being happy day to day is a fine service of others.

It's difficult sometimes, but it is what others really want from us. And this is cool. I mean, uh, it can, it can sort of get by you.

It can seem, um, it can seem simple, but it's, it's been a really deep practice for me. And we've been taught so many, like, uh, sort of wild and exotic esoteric, you know, practices. And it's hard sometimes to know what to pick, where to, where to put your effort.

And, um, and so this has been a big one for me. And, um, and, and so I want to talk about, uh, how it's gone and what I'm learning and, and, um, so there's, I guess there's some tradition for speaking about the benefits of any practice you're going to discuss. Um, and on one level it's silly, right?

We don't need to be talked into being happy, but, uh, but then, I don't know, maybe we do, uh, so on one level, uh, it just feels good, right? Uh, we like being happy. I mean, there's some sort of like lightness, uh, the sort of weight that comes off us, um, when we're happy, that just sort of allows us to, to, to do more, get more, give more.

Um, and, uh, and, and, and our practices deepen in this amazing way. And I, I, I think, uh, I think this is really, it's a big key that I've learned. Like, I don't think you can get very good at meditation unless you're enjoying it.

Um, and, uh, you know, I'm, I'm speaking to myself, uh, because I have a tendency to sort of subject myself to meditation rather than partake of my meditation. And, uh, it doesn't work that well. Um, cause if, if the mind wants to do something else, it will.

And, uh, it doesn't really, you know, need your butt to sort of get up off the cushion to go to the movies. They're, they're all waiting right here. Um, whereas, uh, you know, when we, when we enjoy our practice, our meditation, our yoga, our service of others, this sort of new depth opens up in them and, um, and, and then, and then flowers and, uh, but, uh, most importantly referring to the root text, he said, um, it's a fine service of others.

And, uh, so that's, that's what I wanted to discuss in particular. And on an obvious level, uh, you know, people just like being around happy people. Um, and that's nice for them.

You, you, you, you sort of, you laugh and people laugh and they may or may not get the joke, but, uh, it's, uh, it's infectious. And, um, and, and a lot of times people have this sort of, uh, hidden happiness waiting just below the surface to come out and just sort of waiting for you to give the green light for them to, to let go and, and be happy, be joyful themselves. And I, I especially wanted to say for those of us who, who like aspire to like reach or teach or, or, or help people to, to be joyful or successful in their lives.

Um, you know, people are gonna, are gonna, are gonna look at our lives and see if we're happy in our lives. And, uh, and the, and they'll, they'll judge us by that. And, uh, and they, and they should, right?

I mean, they, they should judge us by that. We should judge ourselves by that. Um, is, is our, is my, you know, methodology for happiness making me happy?

And, uh, you know, if it's not, maybe, maybe I ought not spread it, uh, uh, you know, uh, whereas if, if, if it is working, if you do have a method for happiness and we'll, we'll sort of talk about one, um, that's successful. And then people see this joy in you when they come and they ask you why, you know, why are you so happy all the time? Um, and you, you can tell them, you know, why, uh, and, and you can help them.

You can sort of give them that happiness. And, uh, and then there's a deeper level, uh, that, that I wanted to talk about. And, uh, right.

Uh, don't stop me if you've heard this one. Uh-huh. Uh, so what's this?

[Speaker 2]
Ha ha.

[Speaker 1]
Right. Yeah, it's a pen. Cool.

Uh, and, uh, if a dog came in the room, what would a dog see? Uh, you know, maybe something to chew on, chew toy. And, and what does, you know, so what, so what does that prove?

It proves that, um, you know, pen, uh, is not in this object. If not, everyone sees pen, then pen can't be here. Pen is, pen is coming from you.

There's something in you that's forcing you to see pen. Um, your, your own goodness will define what you see here. You know, if you like this pen, uh, then it's your goodness.

I, you know, I'm a fan of the, the G2, you know, gel pen. Um, but you, you know, people like felt tip pens. They like ballpoint pens, whatever.

But, uh, you know, the, the goodness in you will determine whether or not you're, you're enjoying yourself, you're enjoying this pen. And, uh, and so, uh, and then, uh, you know, everything in our world is, is like that. I mean, there's, there's not a, a piece or part or pixel of your world that, that isn't determined by, by your own goodness, by the way that, that you've made goodness in the world where you, your service of others by your, your kind thoughts.

And, um, you know, a pens, uh, places, people even. Um, and, uh, right. So we all sort of, you know, probably heard the angry boss stick.

So, you know, quick version. Um, he's, uh, you know, the boss is yelling at me. So I, you know, I think he's a schmuck cause I don't like being yelled at.

But, uh, the guy next to me thinks I'm a schmuck. So he thinks the guy, the boss is a great guy cause he's yelling at me. I'm such a schmuck, um, guy across the room.

He, you know, he doesn't really care one way or the other about me or the boss or the, you know, schmuck next to me. Um, so, uh, and, and who is the boss really? Right.

And, uh, and, and there ain't no, really, you know, there's some, some shapes and some colors and some decibels and, and your mind is wrapping them up in a sort of tidy package and calling them angry boss. And, um, right. So, so your mind makes this image called angry boss.

And, uh, it, it's not a thing eyes could ever see. I see shapes. I see colors.

They don't see angry. That's, that's mine stuff added on. They don't see boss.

Uh, that's, that's your story put onto the person in front of you. They don't even see person. Uh, do you, do you see his feelings?

Do you see his mind? Do you see his, his pain? Uh, that's, that's, that's mine stuff added on.

Uh, ain't no person out there. Uh, person, person isn't here. Uh, but we, we have to be careful, right?

There's the classic mistake that we're not going to make of thinking, oh, well then. So you're saying I'm, I'm all alone in my mind and, uh, there's no one but me. I'm sort of swimming in a world of my mind.

And, uh, uh, that's a bummer. I'm lonely. Uh, but, uh, but it's, uh, well, on one level, it's just bad logic.

If I say something is coming from something, then that thing exists, right? If you mention a cause for something, uh, then that thing that's caused, you know, damn sure better exist. You know, uh, stuff that don't exist, don't get to have causes.

Uh, there are, so, you know, they're, they're, they're pens and that's why we can write with them. They're, they're people. And that's why we can, uh, you know, talk to them, uh, serve them, love them and, and be loved by them.

And, uh, and so why, why am I, you know, why am I seeing an angry boss? You know, what, why is the boss that I see, you know, an, an angry boss? Where, where's that coming from?

You know, who, who's being forced to see angry, uh, in, in the boss. And, uh, so let me ask you this. Uh, can you make someone happy by throwing them a birthday party?

And, uh, and, and yes, yeah, you, you can. Um, and, and maybe, maybe not like you might think, like they, they may or may not be happy at the party, but, uh, but, but you try and, uh, and you want them to be happy and you make this effort to make them happy. And that, and that goodness changes you that, that effort to make happiness, that, that striving to put happiness into the world changes your heart, your mind, and, and forces you to see happiness in the world, forces you to see joy in the world.

And I think this is a very deep way to think about our, our service of others, about, uh, cultivating the joy, the, the, the happiness in our own hearts that forces us to see joy and happiness, um, in the hearts of those around us and the hearts of those we love. Um, but, uh, another level we have to talk about of course is, um, you know, okay, that's cool. You, you know, you, you see them as happy, you know?

Yeah. All right. You have the good seeds to see them as happy.

That's great. Uh, but what do they see? And, uh, well, I don't know.

I, I, uh, you know, we, we can't see what they, I can't see what they see yet. We're not yet in a position to, to base our actions on the way a person sees themselves in their own heart. Um, but, uh, but we, we, we have to go with what we see.

Uh, I mean, we have no choice for now. We, we have to be guided by that as the joy in your heart deepens the, the joy that you see in others, in their, in their faces, faces on, in their laughter, in their, in their play, uh, it, it deepens as well. And that, and that joy is a projection of your own goodness.

And, um, and they are, are no more than images thrown into the view of your senses by your own past goodness. And yet they have feelings and, and minds and hearts and needs and, uh, solidity even right. Like no less real than the solidity of this mirror image of a pen, right?

Like you feel that, right? There's like, uh, and it's a real is that, uh, and, and all coming from you. So, okay.

But, but still, you know, questions on the table. Uh, I see them filled with joy. Um, is it possible that they still see themselves in pain?

And, uh, and, and I think I have to say yes. And, uh, and the way that they see themselves depends on their own goodness. And, and right now I'm not in a position to see the way they see themselves in their own heart.

But, but then that day, that day will come as well. You, uh, you guide yourself to a pure world led by the joy that you see in other beings. And, and the day comes when you peer beyond the veil of other people's minds.

They say, right? Parachita Jnanam says, master Patanjali, uh, third chapter yoga sutras. You will know other's minds.

And, uh, and then on that day, like we, we serve people on this, on this whole new level. We, we teach people on this amazing level by, by the individual needs of their individual hearts. And, you know, not, not just teach like, you know, sitting up in front of some people and trying to explain what you think, though you may do that too.

But, uh, but you, you, you appear in every, in any facet of a person's life that, that can serve them. You'll stand on a billion worlds. The Lama says you'll be there.

Their, their mother, their father, their, their brother, their sister, their, their children, their, their friend, uh, uh, a stranger on the bus, um, any form at all. You, uh, you'll appear to the lonely hearted as a stray beam of light glinting off the tip of a wave to, to remind them that there there's joy always around the corner. And, and so we, we, we follow this, this path to joy led by the, you know, even limited vision we have today of this golden and glorious lamp that is the joy we see in other beings.

And, and this is the path to an even deeper vision and even greater joy. So cool. Let's be happy.

We're all convinced. Uh, but, uh, but you know, Lama said it's difficult sometimes. So why?

I, I, and I was thinking about this and, uh, I started out with, um, circumstances, what I'm calling circumstances anyway. And, uh, circumstances, they range from sort of mild to extreme. Mild could be, um, you know, it's a little too hot to be happy for others today.

Or, um, you know, this isn't the restaurant I was hoping to go to, or, um, you know, I don't look good in this shirt. Uh, and it seems petty, but in the moment, um, these things can really seem to get us down when we're sort of in them. And, uh, you know, I know, you know, that, you know, the fact that your hair just won't or your, you know, Equatorian cacao nibs didn't come in the delivery box is, you know, and it's not really, really what's got you down, but, but the mind tries so hard to convince us in the moment that that's, that's the thing.

And, uh, this has really hit me hard in retreat. Um, how, like how much of my unhappiness is that? Uh, cause, uh, you know, nothing, nothing today is all that different from yesterday.

I did the same things yesterday and the day before that I'm going to do today. And, uh, yesterday I was happy and today I'm mad. And, uh, you know, the mind will come in and say, you know, did you notice it?

You know, it happened around the time you dropped that Brussels sprout and, you know, don't be fooled. It's, you know, it's not the Brussels sprout there. There are deeper forces at play and it's hard for us to see them right now.

Um, or we're just, we're just upset and, and fuzzy. I was tempted to call it, um, like, uh, like causeless unhappiness. Uh, cause that's how it feels in the moment.

It was certainly not uncaused. Um, it's just that I don't have the wisdom to see where this particular bad mood came from. I just feel fussy.

And, uh, you know, Kendra bless her heart. She'll say, you know, is it me? Are you mad at me?

And I'm not, it's not, I don't know what it is. I'm just mad. And, um, it's actually kind of cool when this becomes a predominant unhappiness in your life because it forces you to sort of like look at unhappiness itself and, and look for solutions beyond, you know, some sort of temporary circumstances that, that will then have to work in a variety of, of situations because, uh, you know, unhappiness can, can sort of strike anywhere and, uh, and we can beat this, this kind of unhappiness. And I think you know how, uh, but we'll talk about it. Uh, so, um, but, but first, you know, we had, uh, right, mild circumstances and, and uncaused suffering, which isn't uncaused.

And, um, and then there's, uh, extreme circumstances, extreme circumstances could be like, you know, your partner broke up with you or, um, you know, a piano fell on your toe or, um, and on some level, these are, they're not really any different, um, in that they're not really the cause for your unhappiness. Um, you know, try telling that to me when I've got a piano on my toe, but for now it doesn't really matter because, uh, the, the same way we're gonna, we're gonna address the, the mild circumstances and the cause of suffering, which isn't uncaused, um, is actually gonna stop the sort of perpetual pianos falling on your toes. If that's ever happened to any of you, and I'm sure it has.

Um, so, uh, really what they all come down to is, um, you know, the, the only reason we're unhappy in any given moment is we haven't done the things that will cause our happiness. And, uh, and the only cause for happiness is, is reaching out to make others happy. Um, so that's mainly what I'm going to talk about, but I wanted to talk about one more sort of obstacle that comes up specifically in, in reference to our efforts to make people happy.

Cause I think it doesn't always come as, as naturally as we'd like. Like, uh, and sometimes we, we sort of hear ourselves like thinking or saying mean things like to, or about people. You know, I do.

Um, and, uh, I know I want to be the nicest guy in the world, but, but, you know, listening to the dialogue in my head, uh, and it, uh, it can be pretty critical, sarcastic, uh, cynical, even, uh, mean. Um, and you know, you get, you get really wild perspectives in retreat when you're, when you're trying to be quiet. And, uh, on one level, it doesn't feel like I've been quiet at all.

Um, because the, you know, uh, the sort of with, with the exception of very brief moments in meditation, very, very brief moments in meditation, uh, the, the dialogue in my head hasn't really slowed down much. Um, sort of blabbing away like always. And it's, man, it's, Ooh, it's rough in there.

Uh, there's some, there's a mean stuff going on, you know, just, even just at me, um, a lot of self abuse. In fact, I didn't really know this. Um, but, uh, well, I'll tell you, you know, Kendra and I, we don't talk to each other.

Um, you know, basically, right. There's sort of a, this ever growing repertoire of, of squeaks and squeals and giggles and onomatopoeia, you know, that sort of start as emotional outburst and, and develop into, you know, fixed lexical meaning. Uh, you know, I said, buzz, buzz, not zoom, zoom, you know, uh, but you know, it's still silence is the rule in the house.

Um, but as it turns out when I'm alone, alone, uh, like, I don't know, walking around the house or working on something. Um, I, I talk to myself, uh, yeah. Out loud.

I didn't know this. Um, uh, basically all profanity. I mean, no, I mean, it's, uh, it, it may be a me.

It may be at the, you know, inanimate objects in the world around me. Yes, Rob, I still hit my thumb with hammers, you know, no problem. And, uh, uh, you know, so this, if, if I'm, if I'm so hard on myself on the inside that it's actually pouring out my mouth, uh, when I'm alone, how likely am I going to be to bring that abuse to a screeching halt the moment someone else gets in the way?

Um, and we gotta be nicer to ourselves if we're going to be nicer to other people. Um, you know, I'm hearing all this abuse in my head and, uh, and it's, um, you know, it is ruthless on me, but then, but then on, on, on everyone else. And, uh, you know, we have worldviews, so we're supposed to know better than to, you know, blame other people for stuff we don't like, but I slip, uh, a lot.

And, uh, and then my mind will like, hear this, like, like blatant, you know, violation of worldview and the guns sort of swing the other way. And, you know, no Ben, you know, you're the asshole man, because they're your projection. And, uh, and you're supposed to know that that's coming from you.

In fact, Ben, you're doubly an asshole because first you did the deeds that force you to see them acting out in a way that you don't like. And now you're blaming them for living up to the vision that you made of them, Ben jerk. And, uh, it's basically all true.

Uh, but you know, I'm not, I'm not such an asshole cause I'm, I'm trying, you know, damn it. And, uh, I care, you know, I mean, I noticed like for once in how many eons, you know, like we stopped to notice and it's, it's a miracle. It's hard.

We're trying. And, uh, you know, Lord Buddha said, right. The greatest austerity, the greatest spiritual hardship is, it's just not getting angry at people.

And the momentum against us is like overwhelming. Uh, so, so, you know, just to notice, just to, you know, give a damn for a minute that you'd like not to do that. Well, that that's a miracle and that's awesome.

And, uh, and we slip sometimes, but you know what? It's all right. And, uh, it's something I wasn't hearing enough right in the, in the dialogue in my head, you know, like that's all right, Ben.

I mean, it's, it's all right, man. You know, like, yeah, yeah, we just lashed out again, you know, and no, they didn't deserve it. Um, but it's all right, man, you know, and, uh, and we gotta get better at this and, and we will, and, and keep working on it and you are working on it and it's good what you're doing, Ben.

It's good what you're doing. And, uh, and what I'm saying is we're actually protecting other people by being kinder to ourselves and, uh, and that'll make you happier. Right.

And not just like, you know, uh, you know, be nice to yourself. You'll be happy. Uh, we gotta be nicer to everybody.

And, uh, and I think if the reason you're being kinder to yourself is so that you can be even kinder to other people, it'll make both of you happier that much sooner. So, uh, so let's talk about actually causing our happiness. And the only cause for happiness is, uh, is making people happy.

Happiness isn't like waiting under a rock somewhere for us to find it. It's, uh, that's why, that's why I like the gel pen. You like the felt depends and people like ballpoint, but it's not the pen.

Uh, you're the source of happiness. Your heart make, make joy in the world and then partake of it. Make, make people happy.

Uh, help them, uh, heal them, uh, care for them, laugh with them, smile at them. It is fun anyway. And, and it'll make you happy.

So, okay. Uh, but what if, you know, like I want to be happy for other people, but I'm not always in the mood, right? Like, uh, sometimes I'm just not feeling it.

Uh, I can't just like fake it. Can I? And, uh, yeah, you can fake it.

You know? Yeah. You can, you can totally fake it.

And, uh, in fact, if, uh, if you're really in a rut and you just can't seem to pull out and you're wishing there was something you could do, you know, I guess we better do whatever it takes to make some people happy. You know, even, even if it means wearing a smile, we're not really feeling right now, uh, uh, because it'll, it'll help somebody. And, um, otherwise how are we ever going to get out of that rut, right?

Like without the cause, without the seed that gets planted in your heart, when you, when you see yourself make someone happy, you're not going to have any more times when you're feeling it. Um, so, okay, fine. I, uh, you know, I, I'm feeling down and feeling bad.

I go up to the next person I see. And I, you know, I smile my sort of half-hearted smile. That's not really fooling anyone.

Uh, uh, or I, you know, I give them a flower, I tell them a joke and, you know, maybe they smile back or they, you know, look alarmed at my half-hearted smile, which is, you know, anything but reassuring. Um, or, uh, or maybe they smell my flower or, uh, maybe they sneeze or maybe they laugh at my joke or maybe they roll their eyes at my joke or, uh, you know, uh, will that instantly relieve my unhappiness. And, uh, we got to talk about it, right?

Like, uh, and I'd heard it before over and over, but, um, I've read it in this beautiful retreat manual that, um, that the retreatants, uh, the last three retreatants made for us, you know, doing retreat in the future about, um, how it had really struck them in retreat that you can't do anything about present suffering. You can only fix future suffering. I said, I was going to get that out of the way.

Anyway. Uh, it's not, it's not, there's more to go. Okay.

So, um, you know, and it is, it's finally, oh, right. Uh, a scriptural reference, right? Hey, I'm Duke.

I'm a Naga Tom, uh, Mr. Potentially, uh, second chapter, yoga sutras, uh, or yoga sutra. It's about whether you can pluralize it. Um, you don't care.

It's like the kind of stuff we worry about near, uh, can I, can I pluralize? Okay. Um, so, uh, you know, and it finally, it like strikes you at a certain point.

Like that's a relief to know that you can't fix present suffering. Cause there's so much like effort and stress that goes into trying to fix things right now. And a lot of painful disappointment.

Sometimes it even feels like you've found an instant cure. Like, uh, like you'll try something and suddenly feel yourself, you know, like, like feeling better. You'll get, get the result you wanted in the next moment.

And, uh, and, uh, and seeds don't work that way. Uh, mental seeds somewhere. No seeds work that way.

And in fact, um, whatever happens in that moment, you can be assured that, that whatever you just did in the moment before wasn't the cause. Um, right. Arjuna says, uh, it's a shame when we step on a bug, uh, our own ribs don't break.

Uh, cause they will. Uh, and if we knew that, then, uh, we, we wouldn't make this mistake. We wouldn't step on bugs.

It's this time gap that confuses us. And so, right. Like, like if I, um, you know, if I, I asked the caretakers for a flower seeds, uh, cause the, the area around my house looks like the surface of the moon.

And, uh, and so they do, of course, uh, they send, uh, uh, gloriosa daisy seeds. So I, you know, I, I plant my gloriosa daisy seeds and it's just the right depth and watering them for the first time. And then what if, you know, all of a sudden immediately a little green sprout was popping up like, uh, what could I be relatively assured that little green sprout ain't.

Yeah. Damn unlikely. It's a gloriosa daisy seed coming up.

So in that next moment, after you smile your smile or laugh your laugh or, you know, give your flower, tell your joke, how are you going to feel? Well, I don't know. It, uh, it depends on a seed you planted before that.

So, uh, so am I saying it doesn't work and no, it is the only thing that make people happy. If you want to be happy, but I'll tell you one time ain't going to do much. We have to make a consistent focused effort.

Um, if we want to see results. So, okay. How soon, when do I get to see results?

And, uh, sorry, I don't know that either. Cause cause it's kind of up to you. How hard do you want to work at it?

You know? Um, I recommend if you want to be happy soon, uh, reach out and make people happy a lot. And I'll tell you a reminder that I've learned to use.

Um, when you're, when you're sad, when you're down, when you're depressed, when you're like in this funk and you, God, you just wish you could pull out, you just wish there was something you could do. And you're, you know, you're wondering like what, you know, what, what like food to eat or, or, or website to check, you know, or, you know, which I'm, you know, I'm always doing that or, you know, like drug to take, um, you know, even caffeine or Tylenol or sugar or, um, you know, do this, right? Like reach out to somebody and, and tell them how beautiful they are, how they inspire you, how great they are, help them make a meal for them, uh, play with them.

And, uh, Oh, I can't tell you what a miracle it is to like, like finally have an answer from the depths of that despair. Uh, cause we can have a tendency to feel so hopeless and, uh, and we're not, we're not hopeless. Uh, you know, the key to happiness is in our hands.

And, uh, I think I've been particularly blessed in retreat to see that because I've been particularly blessed in retreat to, to be with my, my, you know, my partner, my, my angel, my wife 24 seven and, um, and man, and go into retreat, especially depression can strike out of nowhere and, and hit hard and, uh, and there's nowhere to go. And, uh, and, uh, you know, like, uh, nothing much to distract me. I'm just going to sort of do the same things today that I did yesterday that I did the day before.

And, and it can get incredibly claustrophobic and, um, and, you know, even the things that I might want to do to distract myself, uh, maybe like, you know, eat a big meal or, or, uh, you know, read a novel that they're just going to hurt my practice, but, uh, but I can find some way to give her joy and, uh, and it's a miracle. And, you know, even if I'm mad at her, which, you know, is not where problems come from. Right.

But, uh, you know, I, I do it anyway, and still it can be like even more powerful to say, you know, screw it that, you know, I've got one tool in the world for my happiness and it's, and it's her. And, uh, and I'm just gonna, I'm going to make this, you know, desperate cry for help to the universe, right? Like, uh, an act of truth, an act of refuge, right?

Uh, because I'm unhappy and that's the refuge part, right? The, because, um, when I, when I write, not even though I'm unhappy, but as a direct and opposite reaction to the unhappiness that I'm feeling, because I demand to accept the truth of where my pain isn't coming from, where my happiness will come from. And I tell her she's beautiful and it's a miracle.

And, uh, and I warn you again, this will sometimes seem to work right away. In fact, the more we do it and the more we know why we're doing it, the more you may suddenly find yourself feeling better in the very next moment. And it's not what you just did is the time before that, or the time before that, or the time before that, because you see the causes are building up.

The, the causes for you to see yourself happier are building up. And, um, and so it may start to look instant, like, uh, the, the sound of your wife's laughter will just be the most beautiful sound you could ever hear. And it always makes you feel great.

And that's beautiful. And we need that kind of encouragement. Uh, but, but don't be fooled.

It's, uh, it's not the joke you just told it's, uh, it's the one before that. And I think if we don't remember that we can have a tendency to doubt the method when, uh, when she doesn't smile back today, like she did yesterday. And now I'm not feeling better for my efforts.

Like I did yesterday. And, um, and it's, it's like that for a while because we, we have to build up the causes. And, uh, I think maybe that's karma yoga.

Like, uh, it's this big deal in the Bhagavad Gita. And, um, there are a lot of very confusing explanations of it. And, uh, I, I was confused.

Like Lord Krishna says, uh, you know, Oh, Arjuna, let not the fruit of your action be the, uh, the, the motive for your action, right? Like don't do stuff for the result. And I'm thinking, wow.

Okay. Well, why then why, why do stuff? You know, like I, I don't think I really believe anyone ever did.

Anything didn't want to result, you know, but, uh, but you see, we think the thing that happens right after our action is the result of the action. And it ain't the thing that happens right after our action is the result of a whole lot of sort of accidentally planted seeds. And, and we're not in a position to know what's going to happen next until we spend a, a, you know, focused period planting seeds intentionally.

And, and then you have a pretty good idea of what's going to happen next. Oh, even so you'll have a few surprises popping up for a while while you finish off all the, all the old seeds from before you knew about seeds. So I, I think maybe when Lord Krishna is saying, don't do it for the result, he's saying, don't do it for the thing you thought was the result.

That ain't the result at all. Don't do it for the thing that's going to happen right after you tell your joke or smile your smile or give your flower, make someone a meal. Cause right now I'm not in a position to know what's going to happen next.

So am I doing it for the result? Come on. But yeah, of course.

But but I'm slowly learning that the result is coming later and there's not that much I can do about now, right now. Still, if we don't get cracking on later now we're, you know, we're in for more of the same sort of karmic roulette. Um, yeah, I say start stacking the deck now.

It's a mixed metaphor. I know. Um, but, uh, it's such a, it's such a relief because now we don't have to kill ourselves trying to fix all the wild stuff that's happening in the moment.

It's all prerecorded. It's not a live studio audience laughing at your jokes. Whether the audience laughs or cries got decided last week and, uh, and you can't rewrite this week's episode.

So you don't have to try, but you can, but you can sit back and watch this week's episode and, and learn from this week's episode and, and find out how, how you're going to write next week's episode. For example, if you're not seeing as much happiness in this episode as you'd like to see in next week's episode, reach out in the world and make some joy. And I wanted to say, you know, and I know on this side of the curtain, wherever the curtain is, you know, you spend a lot of time alone and, uh, and I know, you know, a lot of practices, um, to plant this happiness seed, um, sort of Tonglen practices, uh, visualizing, giving happiness to other people.

And, um, and another way that I think is very powerful is to think of someone who you're going to see and, uh, some sweet deed you can do to make them happy when you see them next and write it down and put it in some sweet sacred place and, uh, and, you know, do it, uh, when you see them next. And I think that's a very, very powerful way to plant that happiness seed. Um, but you know, please, if you have anyone near you at all, uh, you know, an email away, a phone call away, whatever, uh, reach, reach out to them now, make someone happy.

Now, you know, help them, heal them, play with them, but do it now. And, um, there's another extreme that, that I can have a tendency to fall into where I, uh, you know, something will go wrong or someone will say something I don't like, or I'm down. And I think, uh, you know, I have a practice.

Um, I, I meditate every day and I say my prayers and I, uh, I do yoga and I just sort of nice things that I generally do for people. And I'm going to let this go. And, uh, you know, the sort of general good seeds I'm planting in my life, we'll, we'll, they'll work this out.

And, um, and that's not wrong per se, but I think it's slower than it has to be. And, uh, you know, Geshe Michael taught us the, the cruise missile thing, right? Right.

In Tibet, they called this the cruise missile thing. Uh, and, uh, right. So you, you, you take your good deeds, you make your good deeds and you sort of like aim them at the, at the thing you want to fix.

And one of the more powerful ways that I've found to aim my good deeds, to sort of mentally connect to the goodness I'm trying to, to make with the thing that I want to change is, is to act immediately. Like, like while I'm still thinking about while I'm still upset by, by whomever or whatever has gone wrong for me. Um, and, uh, you know, make someone happy, uh, you know, help them, heal them, hug them, give to them, laugh with them.

And, uh, and it doesn't have to be the person who just pissed you off. Uh, that's a damn powerful way to do it, but it can be anybody. Um, but do it now, you know, fix your problems.

Now you never have to wait. And, and it's such a miracle, uh, because, um, now, now we finally have a place to sort of put that energy, put that effort. You, you don't have to just ride out the pain and you may have to feel unhappiness for a little while longer, but, but you're not just sort of waiting for it to pass.

We, we can be active. We can act, we can do, we can, we can, we can, you know, give help, heal, love, joke, play, fake it. If you have to, it doesn't really matter.

Happiness is in your hands. Now make it for yourself consciously and immediately right now in the people around you and your life will quickly be filled with joy. And, uh, so last thing, um, oh man, the caretakers, uh, it's, uh, you know, they, you gave, you gave your lives to us and, uh, it's overwhelming.

I mean, the, the effort, the, the belief that we feel from you is, is intense. I mean, uh, it's sort of the, that's the gate on the, the lock on the gate, right. Uh, uh, keeping us all in here at work.

Um, and, uh, you know, I'll be honest, I didn't know how well it was going to go. Uh, sort of, you know, all us retreatants and, you know, a few of you and, uh, you, I mean, you blew away my wildest expectations and I, you know, I knew you were special, but, oh, I mean, the way I see you now, I mean, I'm in awe of your, you know, your endless, tireless dedication and, um, and belief and energy and, um, and an amazing thing happens when you have friends like that. You see, you know, as I said, I, I feel this, you know, faith from you.

We feel your faith, and, um, and though I can have self-doubt, often crushing self-doubt, then, uh, you know, then delivery day rolls around and, and in comes this, this package of like, of, of joy and love and effort and belief and, and anything and everything I ask for always and immediately. And, uh, and it's, it's a real challenge to that self-doubt. You see, your, your deeds are so like decisive, like unmistakable.

And I, I can't help, but have faith in you. And so if, uh, if I believe in you and you believe in me and, uh, you know, don't, don't, I have to believe you about me a little bit. Right.

And, uh, it's a very, it's a very profound gift that you give me. Um, and I think this is the power of great friends and, uh, and great teachers. Oh, Lady Ruth was just here in the last break and, uh, she gave us this beautiful teaching about Maitri and Bala, uh, friendship and power, she said.

Maitri Adishu Balani, uh, third chapter Yoga Sutras, uh, which she translated as from friendship comes power. And man, I think that is so cool. I mean, uh, really, really deep.

In fact, she said in her book, I thought it was really cool. She, uh, she interpreted Lord Buddha as saying, um, when I returned to this world in the future, my name will be Maitreya. It's that same word again, Maitri, friendship, which I sort of wanted to further imagine meant, uh, you know, maybe he was saying he would come back as, as our friend or, or our friends, uh, who, who are also our teachers, right?

Our, our spiritual friends, right? Kalyana Mitra in Sanskrit, uh, Geshe in Tibetan. So, uh, I was walking the streets of Sara Monastery, uh, in India with one of my very closest friends and very deepest teachers.

And, um, we had heard that Master Shantideva's reincarnation was staying over in a little shack behind the debate ground at Sarajay of all places. And so, uh, you know, I'm like, wow, you want, you want to go meet him? And he's like, yeah, you know, whatever.

I don't know, man. Uh, it's like, you know, I, I just don't see why he says like these, these divine beings who, who could reach me anywhere, right? If they really wanted to help me, they could appear anywhere in my life.

Why would they be, you know, on the other side of the world? You know, and it, you know, it's Sarajay of all places. He didn't say that.

Um, it sort of seems to me that they would be all around me. They would be in the, in the people closest to me if they wanted to reach me. And, uh, he often reminded me of, uh, of a teaching Geshe-la gave us about, uh, his holiness, the first Panchen Lama, who was asked, what was the greatest thing you ever did in your life?

And, oh, what a life. I mean, he, uh, he lived to be 92 in medieval society when like 30 was pretty good, you know? Um, and, uh, you know, he, uh, he had some of the most amazing teachers and some of the most amazing students and wrote some of the most profound books, you know, heart-rending spiritual poetry and crystal clear instructional texts.

And, uh, you know, the guy stopped wars by walking unarmed into the middle of battlefields. And, uh, he said the, the greatest thing I ever did in my life, I think it was this, uh, this, this prayer festival that I, this annual prayer festival. I started in my hometown, this, uh, this big party because, uh, the goodness of rejoicing in the Dharma is without measure.

And, uh, this friend of mine, uh, this teacher of mine, um, who didn't need to go to, uh, some shack in the back of the debate ground to meet with the divine who were all around him all the time. He, uh, he taught me, you know, I, I think this means, uh, he said, I think this means that, that just to be, just to rejoice in the presence of a divine being is the same. Just, just to be happy in the presence of, of a divine being is, is a goodness without measure.

And, and you see who he meant, right? He meant you and he meant me. He meant us and you know, the people all around you walking alongside you and, uh, helping you and inspiring you to, to constantly redefine yourself by their vision of you, to make you want to be better, to be worthy of all the love that they give you to be and to be like them.

And, uh, they're so precious. And, uh, and when you get this glimpse of who they, who they could be, who they must be if, if divine beings wanted to reach us, then, uh, then just to be happy, just to rejoice in their presence, to, to study, to talk, to, to laugh, to play, to sing, to be happy, to just, just to laugh in the presence of these divine beings is a goodness without measure. And I miss you so much.

It is by far the hard part, you know, the hardest part about me being here and I can't wait to come out and, and share this, you know, this, this goodness with you again, this joy with you again. So, um, you know, enjoy each other and, uh, enjoy this time together. It's so precious and laugh at all the lamas jokes in class and, you know, laugh with each other and, uh, and play and serve each other and sing and, uh, and it's a goodness without measure.

And, and then, you know, wherever you go or stay on, on Monday or whenever this time ends for you, take that joy with you to, to where the divine beings would also be if they wanted to reach you and the divine wives and husbands and mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and friends and, and enjoy them and, uh, and take them to dinner and go to movies and, and throw them parties and, and it's a goodness without measure.

And, uh, and, you know, maybe, maybe have a little party waiting for us. We'll, uh, we'll have so much to be happy about and, uh, so much to laugh about.

[Speaker 2]
All right.

[Speaker 1]
Beam me out of here, Scotty.